My name is Souta, and I am in the fifth grade of elementary school. I’m in the fifth grade of elementary school, and when I turned ten and started thinking about my future, I realized that there are many things in this world that I don’t understand. My sister Rico asks me difficult questions that I can’t answer.
Onii-chan! Is it difficult for mom and dad to share household chores?
Is that… difficult? In fact, my dad does housework too, but he comes home later than me, and I think it’s no wonder that my mom has more to do than I do.
But lately, my dad has been staying home more days because of teleworking or something like that. He cooks and it’s delicious, but he doesn’t wash the dishes or clean the house. So he does it after Mom comes home from work, and it seems like a lot of work.
I’ll do what I’m good at, but I guess I’m not motivated to do other chores.
Washing and cleaning is something we can both do, and I’m wondering if there’s a way to motivate Dad to do it and divide the chores well.
That’s right. Okay, I’ll ask someone in the know!
As I was researching the division of household chores on a tablet handed out by the school, I found the term “housework sharing” in various places. Is this different from sharing household chores? Perhaps there is a clue here! Let’s ask Tomoyu Miki, a housework-sharing researcher and representative of NPO tadaima!
I’m trying to find out how dad and mom can better share household chores, but why does dad seem to be unmotivated to do anything other than the chores he’s assigned?
I agree. Housework, any housework, involves everyone in the family, so the responsibility should be on everyone in the family, right? But does that mean that when mom is doing chores, dad is watching TV, looking at his phone, or resting? Why do you think this is?
You mean because you don’t think you’re responsible for the chores your mom is always doing?
That’s one way to think about it, isn’t it? In some cases, it is not only the father, but also the mother herself, who believes that the housework needs to be done by the mother. This makes it difficult for the father to take responsibility for the entire housework.
I see. So, in order to turn on dad’s “motivation switch,” not only dad but also mom needs to change her own assumptions.
Yup. If both mom and dad take responsibility for the whole housework, I think it will motivate them to share the work better. One way to do this is through “chore sharing.
Is ‘housework sharing’ different from ‘housework sharing’?
This may sound like the same thing at first glance, but the concept is a little different. Sharing” means, for example, that when there are two things to do, A and B, one person is in charge of A and the other person is in charge of B. “Sharing” means, in Japanese, to “share” or to “have together. The Japanese word “share” means “to share,” in other words, to “hold together. One person is responsible for doing A and one person is responsible for doing B. Then, one person does A and one person does B to finish both. Do you understand?
I see. But in the end, what we do doesn’t change, does it?
That’s not true. For example, if Mom cooks and Dad cleans, but they have separate responsibilities, Mom takes a break when she finishes cooking and Dad takes a break when he finishes cleaning, right? However, in the case of sharing, the responsibility of both parties is to finish cooking and cleaning, so Mom will join Dad in cleaning after cooking, and Dad will join Mom in cooking after cleaning, and they will not take a break until both cooking and cleaning are done. They don’t take a break until both cooking and cleaning are done.
Oh! That’s certainly not the case!
I think there are many ways to divide chores according to the shape of the couple, but I think this is an effective way to ‘motivate’ Souta’s dad.
Yes, that’s right. Then we don’t have a situation where dad is the only one looking at his phone or TV while mom is doing the housework.
And one more important thing. You want to know how to share the chores well as a couple, right? That means doing the chores as a team, so you need to talk about it before you do it. If you do things on your own without discussing them, it can cause problems for the family members who do the chores with you.
What kind of things should we discuss?
Of course, it is important to first be aware of the chores that need to be done together, but it is also important to check how many chores are being done. There are many chores that are hard to notice, such as buying missing items, which are called “chores with no name. Also, we need to make sure that each chore is done in the same way. For example, if mom is doing the main chores now, she should know how mom does them, and if dad is doing them, he should know how dad does them. It would be smoother if we proceed together under the same rules.
Indeed.
Another important thing to remember in discussions is not to say, “I can’t! Don’t say, “I can’t do it!
Dad, I think he might be saying I can’t…
I can’t do it! the conversation is over. When it is difficult to do something, it is understandable to want to say, “Impossible! I understand the temptation to say “I can’t!” when it is difficult to do something, but if you explain why it is impossible, such as you don’t have time to do it or you don’t know how to do it, the conversation can continue and you can find a good way to solve the problem. If you explain why you don’t have time to do it, or don’t know how to do it, or why it’s impossible, the discussion will continue and you can find a way to resolve the problem.
Okay…
If everyone takes responsibility in this way, a situation will not arise where only one mom is doing chores and the rest of the family is taking a break. After all, if only one person is working, it tends to feel like you are being pushed around and you don’t like it. The principle is that we all do chores together, and we all rest together. If you need to take a break, you can say, “I’ve finished here, so I’m going to take a break for a while. I think this alone would make a big difference in the way people feel.
Oh, Dad may not have said much about that.
It’s not just Dad.
Huh?
Souta-kun is one of the family members, so I think he has some responsibilities, don’t you?
Oh…but I can’t do housework like my mom and dad..! But I can’t do the housework like my mom and dad…
There are things you can do, like wiping the table or putting things away for a bit. Besides, for example, getting up by yourself every morning, getting dressed and ready, and helping Riko get ready are actually fine household chores.
Is that a chore too?
Everything at home is “housework.” You may have to ask Mom or Dad to wake you up, right? When the time comes for that, mom and dad have to stop their chores and go wake you up, which makes it less efficient. Just having them do it themselves would be a big help.
Oh well, maybe I can do that soon enough.
Sharing” and “sharing” may sound difficult, but the point is that we all just need to think together and support each other, so it really shouldn’t be that difficult. Besides, if the same amount of housework is to be done by one person, it will be done faster if everyone does it together, and there will be more time for the family to relax.
That night, after I got out of the bath, I prepared my own pajamas and got ready for bed. While helping Riko get ready for bed, I told her what Mr. Miki had told me.
I see. I guess we all have to do the housework too.
I agree. We should try to do our own thing.
Yeah, I’ll do my best! I’ll do my best!
We should also have a discussion with everyone, including Dad.
But you know… they say housework is something we all do together, but why is it that when I come home from school or when I go to the grocery store or whatever, it’s mostly women?
That’s for sure.
And it’s mostly moms pushing strollers with their babies in them…
It’s just… we’re all working…
I thought the time had come for women to work?
Yeah. That’s what it should be.
This is…
What’s wrong?
Onii-chan! Are men who don’t work and do housework and childcare odd?
Surely if housework is supposed to be done by everyone, then it should be okay for men to do it…
OK! Let’s look into that next!
＜Tomoyu Miki, Representative of NPO tadaima!
Representative of NPO tadaima!, housework sharing researcher, interior coordinator After working for a renovation company in interior planning, construction management, and sales and marketing, became independent. As a freelance coordinator, she sells condominium options, does interior work, and coordinates private homes.
2011. We want a home to be a place where a family can be themselves. With this in mind, she started the NPO tadaima! She started the NPO “tadaima!
As Japan’s only researcher on housework sharing, he works to spread the word about housework sharing.
(Continued next time)
