Table of Contents

• Parenting Manga: “After a Pinch, a Bond is Formed”
• Let’s strengthen the bond between fathers and children through “play!

Parenting Manga: “After a Pinch, a Bond is Formed”

Profile
Eiichi
After working for a design company in Tokyo, he became a freelance illustrator. He is a hard-working father who creates animation, manga, and illustrations, including winning the Yubari International Fantastic Film Festival’s International Short Film Showcase Division Excellence in Animation Award.

Let’s strengthen the bond between fathers and children through “play!

Let’s strengthen the bond between fathers and children through “play!

　How does the “power of play” help in strengthening bonds with children? What are some of the ways in which play can strengthen bonds?
We interviewed Ms. Megumi Sato, who runs “Childcare Counseling Room Posicafe” and provides consulting services specializing in child psychology.

Why is it important to strengthen your bond with your child?

　The term “attachment” is a psychological term. This is the “mental bond” that a child seeks with a particular person.
For example, when a child falls down while playing in the park, he or she will show a look of relief when he or she finds a parent’s face nearby. Even if the child cries out loud, he or she can cry to the fullest because he or she feels secure that the parent will catch his or her tears. This is the attachment between the child and the parent. You don’t get that look on your face when you see a strange uncle or aunt. Parents are a reassuring presence for the child, like a safe base, a refuge, a place to run to. Attachment is very important for the balanced and healthy development of a child’s mind.

　It is also important for the child’s healthy development to extend the attachment to as many people as possible, not just to one caregiver. In other words, it is important to strengthen attachments with dad as well as mom. Attachments need to be strong, but they also need to be numerous.

　We receive various consultations from fathers and mothers about their children not listening or not going to school, etc. Often the weakening of attachment is related to these problems. From this point of view, it is very important to think about how to strengthen attachment on a regular basis.

The Power of Play” Important to Strengthen Attachment with Children

　There are many ways to strengthen attachment, and one effective way is to play. In this day and age, many families are very busy, with both mom and dad working. I feel that in many cases attachment is weakened due to lack of time. But play tends to be packed with “fun experiences,” so it is a great way to spend quality time, even if it is short, in strengthening the bond between you and your child. I think it is the “power of play” that helps us because we are busy moms and dads.

　Some parents may say, “I’m not good at playing with my hands, but I can handle physical play! or “I like to read picture books and create creative works,” etc. Each of them has their own strengths and specialties in play.

　We encourage both moms and dads to play to their strengths! It’s fun for mom and dad and also has the following benefits for the child.

• More variety and balance in play.
• Segregation of expectations for dads and expectations for moms comes naturally to the child, and a unique bond with the child is easily strengthened.

Dad Play Ideas

　In coming up with ideas for play, it is good to keep the following in mind as a prerequisite

• If the “play” itself is important and strengthens the attachment, the “purpose” (what is the purpose of this play) does not need to be so strongly considered.
• Get dads interested in what their kids are interested in.
• Let the kids take the initiative and don’t let dad take it away.
• Make sure they (dads and kids) don’t become rivals to each other.

Here are five specific ideas for each type of play.

cooperative play

The first is called “cooperative play. This is a type of play in which the father and child work together to complete one thing.
For example,

• Playing with blocks and building blocks to create something.
  When completed, it will create a sense of togetherness.
• Easy Cooking.
  Whether it is cookies or rice balls, it would be nice to make one simple thing together and enjoy eating the finished product with mom.
• Play to create stories together.
  For example, after finishing reading a picture book together, they can try to think of the rest of the story together, or they can keep some cards with pictures on them face down and flip through them to create a story together as parent and child. It would be a very enjoyable communication.
• Play with a slight change in the rules of a game that tends to be a battle.
  For example, when playing with several people, a cooperative version of the “game of chairs” may be interesting. Generally, when the music stops, those who could not get a chair leave one by one. In the cooperative version, however, everyone plays to the end and only one chair is reduced at a time. In the cooperative version, everyone plays to the end and only one chair is reduced at a time. In this way, the goal is not to win or lose, but to cooperate.

playing along with somebody (e.g. a game of go, shogi, chess, etc.)

This is effective for children who do not feel much of a bond with their dad or who seem to have low self-esteem.
For example, if the father becomes the cab as shown in the illustration and the child squeezes his right hand, he can turn to the right. It might be fun to try this when you go to the bathroom together.

I’m turning right.

Skinship-based play

Playing high up, carrying a child on your shoulders, holding the child’s hand and slowly spinning him or her around, etc. are all good skinship activities. Playing tag in a nearby park is also good skinship. Taking a bath and playing with toys together is also good.

hide and seek (the game)

Hide-and-seek is a game that children genuinely enjoy, and at a young age, they are likely to feel a strong sense of “separation anxiety,” a feeling of being lonely away from their parents. Repeatedly hiding and being found, or disappearing and reappearing, can strengthen the child’s sense of security that mom and dad will always come back to him or her. Hide-and-seek” is a surprisingly deep game.

TV, games, YouTube, etc.

It’s one of the biggest problems for parents when their children get absorbed in TV, video games, etc. But if you do it with dad, it becomes a shared experience and strengthens the attachment. Of course, rules are necessary, such as choosing the content and limiting the time.

What did you think? I feel that “play” has various effects in strengthening the bond with children, but it seems to be surprisingly underutilized.
In many cases, fathers do not know how to get involved.
But don’t put too much on your shoulders! If you use what you love and what you are good at, your children will be fascinated with you. And even if you don’t have any special skills, it’s OK. Children are geniuses at play. Please try to deepen your bond (attachment) with your child through “play.