Fathers’ participation in household chores and childcare is progressing. However, there is a polarization between those who are active and those who are not. Among these less active people, there are many who actually want to do it.

That is true, and according to the Ministry of Internal Affairs and Communications’ Basic Survey of Social Life (Rates of Childcare and Housework-Related Activities for Husbands with Children Under 6 Years of Age in Two-Worker Households, 2016 survey), fathers are spending more and more time on childcare.

This is due to the fact that about 30% of fathers who are interested in housework and childcare have become more actively involved, while the remaining 70% are actually not able to act. My sense is that they want to, but are not able to. My impression is that many of them are not able to take action due to structural factors such as work or family environment.

In addition, although the number of dual-earner households has long since surpassed that of full-time housewife households, the number of mothers in these increased dual-earner households has only increased in part-time, temporary, and other non-regular employment. It can be said that the Showa-era division of labor between male and female roles has not led to any major structural change.

The involvement of fathers in housework and childcare is different. Many fathers say, “Kids are cute,” so they take care of the kids, but not so much the housework.

Indeed, Japanese fathers do far less housework than their counterparts around the world (laughs).

In many cases, moms will not let go of their chores. In some cases, there is a sense of guilt for not doing the chores, or they have done them and don’t like them, so they don’t ask anymore. If the couple can consciously create an equal relationship, the sharing of responsibilities will go much further.

Dads feel they have to do it too, and moms are more likely to tell dads…. For this reason, we need an environment in which everyone can work, such as the development of daycare centers and free childcare for school-age children.

It is certain that awareness will not change unless the social structure changes, such as shorter working hours for fathers and a maternity leave system. However, what we can do before that is to have communication between husband and wife. This is not enough at all.

Below are some examples of complaints and problems of fathers and mothers related to housework and childcare that are often discussed. Why not create an opportunity to talk about their own themes?

Although you are sitting back on housework and childcare when you say, “I’m helping,” you should be willing to share and enjoy yourself in the housework and childcare. If you are good at some of the household chores, such as taking care of the children for the day, or cooking or cleaning, you can declare, “I’ll do this part,” and let them take care of it. If it’s something you like to do, you will be better able to get it done.

It is important for moms to leave the housework and childcare to dad, even if he is not able to do it well. Dads will also start to make their own trial and error by being expected by moms, and their awareness will change as they experience housework and childcare.

It’s called “receiving help,” and being able to say “help” is another important skill for moms. Whether at work or at home, being able to say “help” to dad, parents, or the community, or being able to leave it to them, is very important for sharing household chores.

Many mothers have trouble with dad coming home at the halfway point when they are putting their children to bed. If the couple has a shared child-sleeping time, then the dad can try to come home quietly or read a book or put the child to bed instead of the mom. If the mom’s side excludes the dad and sticks to her own ideal style, it will be difficult for them to work together on housework and childcare.

So you think that reading the atmosphere at work is more important than meeting your wife’s needs. It is a question of which is more important, and if you want to go home, you can go home. The more serious cases are those where the workload is so heavy that the work cannot be completed, so they cannot go home.

Recently, we asked some fathers who work in companies about their dissatisfaction, and one said that his boss gives him a disapproving look when he tries to leave before 9:00 p.m. We need to develop “ikubos*,” but many workplaces are understaffed and difficult to train.
Bosses who are considerate and understanding of their subordinates’ and colleagues’ childcare and nursing care needs.

Japan’s population estimates indicate that there will continue to be a shortage of labor in the future. The demand for “ikubos” (bosses) who can improve the quality of teamwork and human relations among the same members, thereby increasing results and achieving work-life balance, is also the demand of the times.

Hiroki Sato, a professor at Chuo University, suggests “It doesn’t have to be every day, so decide on two days a week when you go home on time and always have dinner with your children. Moms know when dads are coming home, and dads have an incentive to go home. Even at work, it is easier for them to go home because “today is an early home day. It gives them a sense of energy at work, and they can go home early and do such household chores as bathing their children, watching their homework, cleaning up, and so on, naturally. If you want to see your children’s faces, as in the previous point about dads’ frustrations and problems 2, you can come home early when they are awake.

You have to be willing to work early and take advantage of no-overtime days. In this transitional period, it is impossible to balance work and child rearing without one’s own determination and resolve. Don’t read the air in the workplace, but do not read the atmosphere in the workplace, but do first verbalize your thoughts and feelings to the workplace and then do it.

I believe that many families where fathers who prioritize work over housework and childcare can raise their awareness are those where moms do not give up and talk about housework and childcare on a regular basis. In some cases, when the topic was discussed at our seminars and other events, the conversation connected with the idea that “this is what mom was talking about,” and they were able to do it.

Dad doesn’t like to be told by Mom (laughs). (Laughs) “Oh, so that’s what it’s all about. And the same thing becomes clear to me when I hear it from an expert or a practitioner.

By accepting the shorter hours without saying anything, Dad will take it as a sign that he is fine with his current style. First, it is important to talk with your husband. If their attitudes toward the way they work become equal, their housework will also become equal.

We need “team parenting.” As is the case at work, when you try to do things as a team, you have to teach the other person, they don’t work the way you want them to, and it is a lot of hassle. Furthermore, it is said that there will always be a period of confusion in a team. A period of increased conflict, anxiety, and giving up. This is where you leave the team on your own and become a one-man operation. Once the confusion period is over, the team develops from the standard period to the achievement period, just as in work. It is necessary to be patient and foster teamwork even during the period of confusion. What facilitates team parenting for dads is understanding from the workplace and expectations from the wife. This expectation is not a level of help, but a level of sharing.

For example, when asked at the seminar if the couple discussed which one of them would take the maternity leave, few hands went up. This is a sign that moms think it is theirs to take and do not expect dads to share in the maternity leave. In addition, some companies have recently begun to encourage 100% of fathers to take childcare leave or require fathers to take one month of childcare leave. There are more and more cases where this kind of understanding in the workplace is encouraging fathers to participate in childcare.

Mom is thinking, “I have to do this and that at dinnertime while I’m getting ready for dinner. If mom is in control of the household chores, dad should ask, “What do you have to do now? and share the chores. When you realize that dad can do quite a bit too, you will feel less frustrated.

Yes, it is irritating when one of us is absent while the other is doing childcare chores (laughs). (Laughs) As one solution, we recommend parallel child-rearing chores. For example, when the mother is cooking a meal, the father takes care of the children, and the couple does childcare chores at the same time. For example, when the mother is cooking a meal, the father takes care of the children. This is a way of saying, “I’m going to do 00, will you do 00?

With the house being a battlefield, fathers also need to be flexible, so it is important to reduce the number of “childcare chores that cannot be done,” even if they are good at them or not. At that time, too, mothers should refrain from “giving out the 3 commands” (no, no, no, no, and no). This is because people tend to stop doing things if they don’t like what they do immediately after they do them.

The first thing to do is to say “thank you” for any result or action. It is very important for dads to be able to say “thank you” for mom’s quality housework without taking it for granted.